I am me, and that is enough.

Don’t bash me for this, please. It’s an opinion. I have a right to it just as much as you have a right to yours. I will respect your opinion so long as you respect mine. /end disclaimer

Sometimes I wonder why I still dislike Tifa as much as I do. In the original game, I never liked her character much because she was so simple and nowhere near as complex of a character as the compilation has made her. Her only importance in Final Fantasy VII previously had been her connection with Cloud, being an old childhood ‘friend’ of his. Honestly, I had gotten the impression that the only interest she had gained in him was when he mentioned wanting to join SOLDIER and become a hero, like Sephiroth.

Her skimpy attire and large boobs also irked me, making me feel as though she was inserted in simply for fanboy appeal. I don’t know. I have a problem with all these scantily clad women in video games. I can forgive it, so long as there’s a good amount of character development and whatnot, but for the love of Gaia! I hate it when a character is nothing more than boobs and potential panty flashes. :l

I don’t even care for big boobs. I got plenty of boobage to spare mmkaythx.

But, I don’t know. It’s hard for me to accept what Tifa has become for some reason. A respectable, hard-headed and determined woman trying to not only let go of her past but persuade Cloud to do the same. Gods, you know she has to have some baggage herself but she keeps her head held high and doesn’t piss and moan about it.

So, after saying all those positive things about her, why can I still not let go of my initial impression of her? Why is this so difficult? Possibly because her recent character development is the only one (from the original game’s main party) that I’m actually really happy with?

Because, aside from Tifa’s development, the basic storyline concept, and the awesome visuals/action scenes in Advent Children… the movie can go fuck itself. There’s so much I could say about the movie… but I’ll save that rant for another day.

So much.

I watch the movie because its such amazing eye candy, not because I like the storyline or appreciate some of the transformations some of the characters made. (Like… CLOUD IS NOT EMO. SQUARE WTH DID YOU DO TO HIM!?) But yeah… I digress.

I just… want to shake this feeling. Weird, maybe. But. Tifa’s… not all that bad now. And. I can’t believe I’m saying that. I just… wish it didn’t take so long for Tifa’s character to come through.

Part of it, too, and I’ll admit this now… but, back in middle school/high school I had a tendency to be too judgmental on characters. Since then, I’ve learned to analyze and piece together characters more based on what I am given… and read between the lines. Ideally, there should be enough to do this to a satisfactory level without too much difficulty but… what, then, of supporting characters? -shrug- But… whatevs. This all comes from growing as a writer— you grow as a critic as well. In this way, I suppose my overanalytical nature is helpful but. Ah… anyway.

I’m just rambling now.

Personal rant time. Okay. Just fuck. Fuck everything right now. I’m trying really hard to see the positive in this and it’s hard. Fuck. Really.

I just got my financial aid check today. You know, after biting back the urge to kill and wrestling with the financial aid office for it, pretty much. Though, I admit— some of the blame for my current dilemma rests on me (and I feel stupid as fuck for this).

I’m still really frustrated over the fact that no one at the office bothered to tell me that I only had signed up for 11 credits when I needed 12 to be a full-time student the FIRST time I went into the office. Why? The woman at the enrollment office didn’t mention it either.

I mean… I know I should have noticed that one of the classes I signed up for was only a one credit class, but why did they have to wait until seven full days of classes passed to tell me? Especially when I had been in contact with them in the middle of the first week.

Now, here I am sitting here trying to stomach my lunch and wondering what the fuck I’m going to do with only two-hundred and some dollars for three months when my phone bill ALONE is 80 dollars. Then rent. Let’s not talk about rent. I already owe a little back pay. December was rough.

I need a job. But I can’t seem to look for one the proper way. Filling out applications is only the first step. There’s something intimidating about calling in about my application, though, and I can’t seem to do it after the first time, if I can even muster the guts to do it the first time.

I’m not saying this cause I wanna be a pity party, either. I don’t usually talk about my problems. I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I’m sort of panicked right now. What the hell is wrong with me? I just feel like such a failure right now. Fuck it. I’m sorry. I’ll just sit in my pathetic corner and try not to cry in public but that’s not even working. Just balls.

Hfkeldnfkeocjd

Pleasedontthinkanylessofme.

But whattt? I’m forever logged on Cloud’s tumblr now.

………………………………………………………………

Like.

I don’t know.

…Post my craptacular art here, since I’m never on deviantart anymore?

……………….

orz

I’m so stressed right now, it’s not even funny.

I wanna shoot the people in the financial aid office.  And then, after I’m done shooting them, shoot myself. Dx< Butnonotreally.LikeI’mmadbutIwouldn’tactually…

I’ve only checked with one instructor and I’m already holding back tears.  Ffffffff.  I need my financial aid check right now.  So bad.  God.

But no crying.  I’m not gonna.  Fffffffuck.

Neglecting my personal blog. |D So bad of me. So horrible.

asusahomo:

Part of me wants to get dumped so I know what it feels like.

But it would probably only hurt if I were dumped by someone I felt strongly for, right?

I guess I won’t know for a long, long time.

:\ It… just hurts. Plain and simple. It feels like a train wreck right over your heart.